Id rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.  ;-)
Dont force that! Get a bigger hammer. ;-)
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 chracters. ;-)
Amoebit : Amoeba/Rabbit cross : it can multiply and divide at the same time. ;-)
"640k should be enogh for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 ;-)
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -Pop. Mech. - 1949 ;-)
"Do not use GAK on varnished or unvarnished surfaces." - GAK warning label ;-)
Remember : you're unique - just like everyone else. ;-)
Bite the wax tadpole. ;-)
Eschew obsfucation ;-)
Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines. ;-)
Early bird gets the worm, but second mouse gets the cheese. ;-)
Id rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.  ;-)
Dont force that! Get a bigger hammer. ;-)
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 chracters. ;-)
Amoebit : Amoeba/Rabbit cross : it can multiply and divide at the same time. ;-)
"640k should be enogh for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 ;-)
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -Pop. Mech. - 1949 ;-)
"Do not use GAK on varnished or unvarnished surfaces." - GAK warning label ;-)
Remember : you're unique - just like everyone else. ;-)
Bite the wax tadpole. ;-)
Eschew obsfucation ;-)
Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines. ;-)
Early bird gets the worm, but second mouse gets the cheese. ;-)
He who laughs last thinks slowest. ;-)
Hlp! Smbdy stl ll th vwls frm my kybrd! ;-)
Im afraid of phobias. ;-)
Enjoy life. There is plenty of time to be dead. ;-)
No keyboard present. Press F1 to continue. ;-)
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. ;-)
If its on on fire, its problably a hardware problem. ;-)
Me? Indecisive? Im not so sure about that. ;-)
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. ;-)
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes. ;-)
To steal ideas from one is plagiarism - to steal from many is research. ;-)
If you must choose between two evils, choose the one you haven't tried before. ;-)
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. ;-)
Buses stop at bus stations. Trains stop at train stations. I have a workstation... ;-)
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without all those sponges. ;-)
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer. ;-)
This signature may contain nuts. ;-)
"If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure." - VP Dan Quayle ;-)
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time windows crashed - oh wait, he does. ;-)
Everything in the universe sucks. It's the law. ;-)
Contents of message may have settled during shipment. ;-)
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. ;-)
5 out of 4 people cant understand fractions. ;-)
107 percent of people dont understand percentages. ;-)
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. ;-)
Onion ring to rule them all, onion ring to bind them. ;-)
Save the whales. Feed the hungry. Free the mallocs. ;-)
Carpenters Rule: Cut to fit, beat into place.  ;-)
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.  ;-)
Hit any user to continue.  ;-)
Intel: We put the 'um' into Pentium. ;-)
If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate. ;-)
Computers dont actually think. You just think they think (we think). ;-)
Theres never enough time to do all the nothing you want. ;-)
The time you enjoy wasting isn't wasted. ;-)
Experience is what you get when you dont get what you wanted. ;-)
Strong data typing is for those with weak minds. ;-)
Dates in message may be closer than they appear. ;-)
There is three errers in this sentence. ;-)
01001010 01001011 01110011 00100111 01101123  ;-)
Carpe Carpum! (seize the fish) ;-)
Add the following line: alias cd 'rm -rf' (doh!)  ;-)
I am Loquacious of Borg. Prepare to be bored.  ;-)
NEWS - New episode of Star Trek goes where other episodes have already been. ;-)
If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?  ;-)
Recursive (re-curs-sivv) (adj.) - SEE 'recursive'  ;-)
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?  ;-)
Cogito cogitio ergo cogito sum (I think I think, therefore I think I am.)  ;-)
I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.  ;-)
In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.  ;-)
To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion. ;-)
Transpositate the fillifating ions! :-)
Actua1 Headline 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
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Actua1 Headline 17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
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Actua1 Headline 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
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Actua1 Headline 31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
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Actua1 Headline 33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
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Actua1 Headline 37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Actua1 Headline 38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Actua1 Headline 39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Actua1 Headline 40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Actua1 Headline 41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
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Actua1 Headline 43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Actua1 Headline 44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Actua1 Headline 45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Actua1 Headline 46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Actua1 Headline 47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Actua1 Headline 48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Actua1 Headline 49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Actua1 Headline 50. Air Head Fired 
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. ;-)
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. ;-)
OK, so what's the speed of dark? ;-)
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. ;-)
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ;-)
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. ;-)
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. ;-)
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. ;-)
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. ;-)
I intend to live forever-so far, so good. ;-)
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ;-)
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? ;-)
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. ;-)
What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ;-)
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. ;-)